Dear peace,
You are a sneaky little thing that’s increasingly hard to find both internally and externally in this life. As hard as it is to come by, peace is something that is worth striving for. Amongst all the noise and hectic nature of the world, it is necessary to set aside time to really drown it all out and just be in silence. The absence of noise is something that is greatly undervalued. I’m not saying life should be devoid of sound, but being silent in your thoughts is the only time to really get to the root of what we’re feeling or going through. That being said, it’s probably the single hardest thing to do.
I’m not sure about you, but I can’t not be proactive about the issues in my life. Sitting on the sidelines and letting it happen does not jive with the way I perceive the world. Over the years however, I’ve learned that taking charge of a situation really may not be the best solution. This goes against everything I was taught in young leaders. I don’t mean be lazy and let other’s do the work, but in some instances there is really nothing to do but let nature take it’s course. This is especially true when it comes to people.
It’s been a journey for me in these past couple months trying to find out what relationships are healthy, and which are toxic (See Dear Heart,). It’s sad to say but there’s really nothing imbetween. I suppose there are works in progress, but it can be seen whether these people are building you up or driving you in a direction that you don’t want to go. I have learned however that as much as I still care for someone and try to prepare to salvage the friendship, sometimes it’s just meant to be let go. That is one thing I have the HUGEST time dealing with. I love talking things out, catharsis is like a drug and in my mind it can’t be achieved in ending a relationship without a discussion.
However, more often than not people leave my life without this exit courtesy. This must have to do with getting older. Growing up we have the time and energy to invest in more people, which is why it’s so much easier having more friends when you’re younger. When we age though, I think there’s some unspoken understanding that people will come and go and along with there being no rhyme or reason there is also no discussion needed. It just happens. I’m still having a hard time dealing with this because of my avid aversion to change. I want all the people I love to be in my life always, but in reality this can never be the case. It will never be easy to just let go of friends without a fight, and maybe sometimes the fight is worth it. In the end however, sometimes the permanent distance is better for everyone.
Back to peace, everyone has their own way of achieving some kind of inner silence in their lives. For some people it’s becoming numb through various activities. I’m not talking drugs or alcohol, but they are the method of choice for some. Exercise and TV are also activities that avert the mind from issues and allow a sense of nothingness to settle in. For me to really be introspective and productive in my silence however, I need to still be sentient.
The ocean has always been a part of my life since I was little, and for me it’s where I choose to go to be alone with my thoughts. I have one beach very close to my heart because one day it will be the place where I return to the ocean in order to be with the rest of my family that has passed on. Even though it’s frequented by a lot of vagrants and homeless people at night, it’s still a beautiful spot in which to ruminate and be at peace with the sound of the waves.
This always brings me back to my favorite poem by E.E. Cummings.
The sea is a place where I continually find myself, both physically returning there and discovering new things about who I am as a person. To me, it’s where I came from and where I will one day return to and where I will be between those two times. I hope that you all have a place to really find peace because in these places is where we are the most happy and free. That is what I wish for all the people I love: peace of mind and eternal freedom.
Today I had business dinner with four older haole gentlemen at a Chinese restaurant in Kaneohe. It was interesting because normally I only eat with my family at said places. I don’t think I like it. But I did enjoy the cake noodle to the point I ate…all of it.
xoxo,
-WLK
kimcheepossible 